Is there such thing as "size friendly?" Well apparently there is. I went to the gym to warm up before kick-boxing last night and on the window were the words "size friendly." Whatever happened to just being "friendly"? I would hope that regardless of my "size" any fitness business/organization/institution would welcome me with open arms (1. I'm paying for it; 2. Word of mouth is the best referral; and 3. That's what they are there for right? To promote healthy living?). At first I didn't think anything of the "size friendly" statement, but now after seeing it every time that I go to the gym, I'm taking a little offense to it. Maybe all sorts of places should just start putting that on their windows, like retail stores ...it would help me to detect and avoid stores where I'm likely to receive dirty looks, or bars where I should be prepared to deal with people who find it funny to put others on blast who are just out to have fun with their friends.
So I decided to do some research on the phrase "size friendly." To my surprise there are many businesses and services that market themselves as being "size friendly." I found everything from Amish furniture, yellow pages, a website promoting the success of curvy women, and doctors. I even found a site that promotes "fat friendly" physicians. When I think of it, there are probably lots of places that market themselves to a particular type of "group." This "size friendly" category is just one of many.
I guess, growing up, I never really noticed differences, nor did I segregate myself, run with a certain crowd, or dress a certain way. However, I'm sure others probably gave me a label. So the question becomes, are we a society that has become too dependent on face value and labels? Has individuality and uniqueness been replaced by conformity and labels? Let's take Susan Boyle for example (I only mention her because my sister, mom and I were talking about her this weekend). Susan Boyle was not heard of until the last couple of years. It took a reality TV show appearance for her to present her great talent and personality. Until that point, people only took her at face value, seeing a frumpy, middle-aged woman who sang in her church choir. Now don't get me wrong, I know it's a two way street. You have to be willing to take a risk and open yourself up to others, and others need to be willing to see and accept you even though you are different from them and unique in your own right.
Being on this healthy lifestyle journey has really opened my eyes (and ears) to the overwhelming response to the nation's obsession with obesity, and how desensitized society has become to various topics of discussion. As a nation, do you think we have become desensitized?
I will leave you with this quote I found...
“When you're a beautiful person on the inside, there is nothing in the world that can change that about you. Jealousy is the result of one's lack of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-acceptance. The Lesson: If you can't accept yourself, then certainly no one else will.”
Ahh routine...how I missed thee...let me count the ways...
I do love the holidays. A time to catch up, a time to give, a time to eat, drink and be merry, and a time for excuses. I admit it, I did a lot of excusing over the holidays...I can't work out because I have to holiday shop...I can't work out because I have x,y and z party to go to...I can't work out because I'm too tired. I call B.S. on myself. I've come to realize I have to have accountability for my fitness (or sometimes lack there of) actions.
People always ask me how I'm so motivated to do this and how can I motivate them. Well I'd be lying to you if I say motivation is easy, and that I stay motivated 24/7. I have my days, we all do. I have days where all I want to do is go home from work, veg out, put on my PJ's and rock out to some hulu.com. I have days were I'm kicking and screaming all the way to the gym. In all honesty, you have to ask yourself, "Do I really want to get healthy? Do I really want to feel better, mentally, emotionally and physically? Am I ready to put myself and my health first?" If you answered yes to these questions then what are you waiting for, jump on it! You're only going to get out of something what you put in. It's easy to get demotivated especially when you have a bad day or a week. Don't let that get you down...just remember this is a process, and you're the one in control. If I can do this you can do this. It's easy to fall into the ugly pit of temptation, and if you do, pick yourself up, dust your shoulder off, and keep moving forward.
Digging in the Pantry
So today I didn't do as well as I expected: Breakfast: Some cinnamon thingy they had at work Lunch: Healthy Choice Chicken noodle soup, cashews, pretzels and diet root beer Snack: Granola Bar Dinner: Dewey's side salad and split a Bronx Bomber pizza with friend and 2 glasses of ice tea
I feel into the left over candy at work trap and had two mini snack size candy bars. Water drank: 84.5 oz
Workout was tough. I joined a kickboxing class and it was a little different than usual. They do more partner work than they do bag work. All in all it was a good workout...I'm feeling it today. The class is 50 minutes long and teaches you self defense on top of working core muscle groups. After that I did 35 minutes on the elliptical. Crazy...I think so.
Well, well look who's back blogging. I apologize to my readers ... unacceptable I know, but in good old excuse fashion things have been busy. I can point the blame at all sorts of things but the problem is there are three fingers pointing back at me! Where to begin...let's recap the past five months...
I moved back to my hometown of Cincinnati, Ohio
I took a position with a company I use to work for
I've immersed myself back into a schedule that is just as busy as an A-list celebrity on a movie junket
Oh and the fun part...I've gained back 10 of the 50 pounds I lost
Where does this leave me you ask. It leaves me with a feeling of failure. Failure in letting old habits creep back in; Failure in resisting temptation; Failure in my own free-will of this journey I'm on. Falling off the wagon isn't easy...I take that back it is. All it takes is one damn Reese's Tree and that leads to the whole damn forest (not that I would know that or anything). Falling off wagon also hurts...not that I would personally know what actually falling off a wagon would be like, but I'm sure it would hurt like hell...especially on a gravel road. Ouch. Falling off the weight loss wagon sucks...it's the worst feeling in the world, right up there with a power outage right in the middle of the 24 hours of A Christmas Story. I can look at it as only 10 pounds...but that's 10 POUNDS! 10 pounds of blood, sweat, tears, blisters, swollen ankles, sore muscles, bruises, and cutting calories that for what...for what! To think I can just sit back and be OK with that...hell no.
So right here, right now is my pledge to make it through this journey. Not only to lose the 10 lbs I gained, but also to drop another 50 by September 2011 (which would make my grand total donated to Susan G. Komen $100).
I'm not waiting for the new year to start to declare my war on weight ... I actually started this week. I've worked out every single day this week, replaced my carbonated beverages with water and tea, upped the ante on eating breakfast in the morning and packing balanced lunches instead of running through the drive thru. I've also signed up for kick boxing again which starts January 3, and welcome back with open arms (OK maybe not so much) the 30 Day Shred. You maybe exhausted just reading this, hell I'm exhausted just typing this, but it is necessary that I commit to this promise, not only for myself, but a better and healthier life. I'm not as young as I use to be!
Wow no post since June...I really suck at this blogging thing. Life has taken many twist and turns since the last post....
I've relocated back to my hometown of Cincinnati, Ohio (very exciting I must say :) ), with that means moving back in with the rents (very exciting I must say...), starting new but old jobs, picking up bad (eating) habits, joined a gym...oh the joys of life. When it rains it pours I guess. Why is it that we are always so hard on ourselves. I've criticized myself more over the past month and half for not getting totally back on my game when I've not only been settling back in but taking on more responsibility. Sometimes I wish I wasn't my own worst critic...but then again it's better than being up against the panel on American Idol. But currently that panel just consists of Randy, so he would totally be my dawg and give me criticism followed by props. Once can dream right?
I must admit I've fallen off the band wagon of healthy eating and working out ... temporarily. For one, I have a full pantry at my expense for the first time in 2 years. Moving back in with the 'rent's for the past couple of months has not only help me save in some areas, but gain in others (like my waist line!). I guess when you are just one, single serving gal you never have a full pantry. The one thing I have noticed that I've been consuming a lot if is diet pop. I gave up pop over a year ago, and I use to have every once and a while, but since moving back home I drink it like it's going out of style...like it's air. Seriously. So this week I'm back on my no pop drinking rule, protein shakes, yogurt, fruit and mini snack kicks.
I think sometimes I need to remind myself how far I've come...I don't even give myself credit for that. Another bad habit I've picked up ... fast food. I admit it ... I suck at getting up early, packing a delicious and nutritious lunch and snacks. It only takes one day of poor decision making for me to ruin the next four. Sometimes I wish I could just walk around in the part of my brain that thinks about food. Is there a round table of chemicals and food sitting around in my brain betting on what will be the next thing I eat? And do they gang up with my hormones and emotions to cause an overabundance of feeling like I'm going to die with out pretzel m&m's?
How is everyone else doing out there!? Everyone surviving!? I'm glad fall is here...I love fall. Bring on the apple picking!
So I was reading this article on MSN where they interviewed Jillian Michael's about her new show where she lives with families, flips their world up-side-down and helps show them the "healthy" way. Seriously...can you really focus on the article with DiGiorno Deep Dish Pizza surrounding an interview about healthy eating and transforming the dietary lives of people? I gained 5 pounds just looking at the screen...
It was a bad day folks in the soup dejour department but a break through in the emotional eating department. Yesterday was a good and bad day. Good because there is a lot going on in my life right now I am excited about, bad because I feel like I can do better and haven't when it comes to this weight loss journey (I know so vague). One thing I never really thought about until recently is the disaster that can happen when food and emotions mix. I got to thinking that we eat when we are happy, we eat when we are sad, we eat when we feel nothing at all, we eat when we are stressed and why is that? In my quest to feed my need for knowledge I came across an article in Today's Diet and Nutrition about emotional hunger vs. physical hunger.
I've noticed I do two things when emotions come into play in my diet: I either eat or I don't eat. Weird right? Most emotions and celebrations involve food - a graduation, a party, showers, funerals. Even rewards can be centered around food when we do well and excel at something. When we are kids and we get hurt sometimes we are given a Popsicle or ice cream to sooth in our comforting. How do we break a learned behavior such as emotional eating?
As I've learned throughout this journey so far you have choices. Choices for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. Choices for exercising. Choices for if today you will put off what you should've done yesterday. Choice to eat balance meals or skip a meal here and there. I wish I had a new word for choices, and options really isn't that much better! These choices are at times dependent on the situations we find ourselves in daily. For example, if we have a bad day at work we have a choice to take that day home with us or leave it in the office. How we deal with that bad day is when emotions come into play. I don't know about you but when I use to have a bad day in the office I would eat, go home and site on my couch and let that day fester until I decided I was ready for bed. Most times I was so busy at work I wouldn't eat and when I got home I would eat whatever I could, and eat to the point where it would hurt. Yup hurt. Not emotionally but physically. It's not the best feeling in the world folks, I don't recommend it!
Now the question becomes what is the solution to these learned emotional behaviors that have lasted all these years, that have been there through thick and thin and that I've relied on so much through good and bad times? For one, it's finding other ways to deal with these emotions instead of dealing with them through the use of food. For example, instead of taking out your bad day in the office out on your fridge, take it out in the gym, the sidewalk, reading...the list is endless. I've been making a list of all the things I CAN do: go for a walk, create a piece of artwork, sketch up a new jewelry design. And while this is going to take some time to get use to, it's necessary to. I can't let my emotions get the best of me because I worked too damn hard to be where I'm at today. I don't want to walk down that path again, so something has to change!
Sorry for the one way ticket to Debbie Downerville. It's all part of this journey I suppose, and whether or not I like it, I'm going to have to deal with it. Hope all is well with everyone! Keep fighting the good fight everyone...WE ARE IN IT TO WIN IT!
So Jackie Warner, celebrity trainer and star of the Bravo (non-hit) series "Workout," just dropped this book. Apparently she knows why I'm fat and she will teach me the ways of getting thin for life. I like Jackie Warner, I've seen her show, I've seen the results she has helped people achieve, and from what I've read this book has gotten mixed reviews. Not only for the content inside, which apparently it doesn't tell you anything different than anything us weight watchers don't know, but it's also getting flack for using the "F" word.
(side note: I should probably read the book for my own assessment and I plan to do that after pay day next week...book review to follow).
My fellow bloggers over Fit Bottom Girls posted this about the book. I have to agree with Jenn on some of her points. The use of the word "fat" is definitely sensationalized on this cover, and many will buy this book and be forever changed by Jackie and her fitness knowledge. After reading the article I started thinking about the "F" word, how I use it and how I hear it used around me. Back in the day the word use to make me uncomfortable, so much I would feel sick at the sound of hearing it. No one wants to be called names, especially the "F" word. The "F" word is like an elephant in the room ... everybody sees it, everybody is thinking it, and some may even say it. Some how over the years I suppose I've embraced the word to the point it doesn't bother me. Maybe I've become desensitized by it, maybe I see it for it is, or maybe it's just always "there."
I will admit, I jokingly use that word when I talk about myself, and I probably shouldn't do that, but I'm fat so I can, right? Probably not, but it comes with the territory of being the funny, fat girl I suppose. But does the fact that I use that word referring to myself reflect poorly on me? Some say it might, but I never viewed it like that because that's what I do but maybe I should start viewing it as a poor reflection on my views of myself. The way I talk about myself sometimes I would never talk to a best friend, my sister, or family member like that.
From this point on I vow not to use the "F" word when I talk about myself, because in all honesty I don't view myself as that word and the negative connotations that can come with it. So good bye fat...HELLO phat :)